R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Last week I posted a blog about being mindful of our actions in front of the littles. They begin to learn behaviors at a very young age by observing what we do as parents. How we treat our spouse in front of our children is just as important. If we are failing to treat our spouse with the love and respect that they deserve, chances are, our children will end up using the same disrespectful attitude when interacting with others. When you are in the heat of an argument, it’s hard to remember that little ears and eyes are taking in everything we’re saying and doing. I certainly don’t have it all figured out, but the following is what I have learned so far in my journey of being a wife and mother.

First of all, respect begets respect. Respect is one of the keys to having a successful marriage AND considerate children. Each time our kids observe my husband and me treating each other with respect and taking each other’s feelings into consideration during a disagreement, whether we realize it in the moment or not, we are teaching them how they should treat their peers. If our goal is to have children that are good friends at school (which it is), we have to use our relationship to show them how to be good friends at home. We’ve made the mistake of losing our cool in front of the kids from time to time, but we also make sure that they are present when we apologize to one another and, most importantly, forgive one another. I can only pray that they are taking away something of value from this. We can’t always shelter the kids from our disagreements and, I think in some ways, it can be a good thing. Hopefully, they are learning that it’s normal for people to have disagreements and how vitally important it is to say, “I’m sorry”. This type of scenario isn’t the only time we can provide our children with a teachable moment about respect in relationships. Manners indeed breed respect.

Practicing good manners has become a lost art in this day and age, and we try our absolute best to remind our kids to say “please” and “thank you” and “ma’am” and “sir”. However, they can also take away another lesson in regards to respect by observing how we use manners within our marriage. My husband is absolutely wonderful about opening all doors, pulling chairs, and helping me to put on my coat. By watching Anthony, our sons are learning about chivalry and how to treat women with respect and dignity and our daughter is learning how a man should treat her like a lady. I’m praying that this will make her extra picky when it comes to choosing future boyfriends. I know what I put my mother through when I was dating and I sure don’t want to relive that with my daughter. (Disclaimer: Not all the guys I brought home were bad, but there were a few that, in retrospect, even I have to raise an eyebrow.)

God created marriage so that a man and woman could join their lives together as one and allow God to love them through their mutual love for one another and through that love, they can create and raise children in the ways of the Lord. The family is one of God’s most beautiful designs. Aidan, Ethan and Bella learn firsthand how to treat others by observing the relationship closest to them, and that is our marriage. By no means do we have a perfect marriage, but I do believe that we have a well-balanced marriage that our children may want to emulate someday. Although we can’t force them into the mold we would like to see them in, we can at the very least leave an impression that will be positive and encourage them to want to treat others with respect through our example as husband and wife. Jesus instructs us in John 13:34 to love others as He has loved us. It’s not always easy to love like that, but it’s a challenge that we are called to accept and as followers of Christ, we should be willing to step up to the plate. We may strike out from time to time, but we have to keep on swinging. Nurturing our relationships within our families is a never-ending journey. Concerning marriage, as long as we do our very best to love one another, we are being a good spouse and in turn, trying to be a better parent, and that makes God happy, happy, happy.