After The Reception And Beyond

The wedding bells ring, you walk down the aisle together after the ceremony is over, you eat cake (in some instances smash it in each other’s faces), you sip champagne and dance the night away then escape into a temporary fantasy world where it’s only you and your spouse on some romantic get-a-way. When you come back home, life happens and it comes at you at the speed of light. Life has a way of chipping away at our marriages: jobs and job related travel, in-laws, church activities, kids (and the many responsibilities that come with them), conflict and misunderstandings. It’s all inevitable, but you don’t have to let it take away from your marriage.

Physical intimacy between husband and wife is so very important. And God intended it to be that way. Sex has become such a dirty and taboo word that we have forgotten that God wants us to have sex and LOTS of it! We can clearly read God’s intent for sex echoed in Proverbs 5:18-19 “And have the joy of the wife of your youth, your lovely hind, your graceful doe. Her love will invigorate you always, through her love you will flourish continually.” and in Song of Songs 7:7 “How beautiful you are, how pleasing, my love, my delight!” (As a side note, I encourage you to read the Book of Songs in the Old Testament. Such a beautiful love story, and at some parts you can’t help but blush!). While sex is the ultimate expression of love in a marriage, it’s not the only way. If you have a family, you know how tiring family life can be. The day comes to a close and all you want to do is lay your head down (preferably on the cold side of the pillow…Or maybe that is just me), and drift off to sleep (after you run through tomorrow’s to-do list…That is definitely me and practically every woman walking the face of the earth). As I’ve said in previous posts, I don’t have it all figured out, but I would like to share what has worked for us.

Anthony and I stay pretty busy between his job and my job as CEO of Chez Brown (that’s fancy talk for stay-at-home mom). Our boys are active with school and sports. Our daughter is almost 2 (enough said). We could very easily put physical intimacy on the shelf because we’re completely worn out by day’s end, but we make time for it (I won’t dare divulge the details), and our alone time is absolutely wonderful, but I’m happy to say that over the years we have found other ways to love one another that don’t revolve around sex and it seems to help us stay perpetually in “the honeymoon stage” of our relationship.

I saw an eCard on facebook in circulation that said something to the effect of “nothing is sexier than a man in an apron doing the dishes”. There is definitely some truth to that! Anthony has chosen the dishes and helping out with the laundry as his chores around the house. He also helps out a great deal with the kids in the evenings. Even though he works mostly from home, he has a stressful job with lots of responsibilities, and the fact that he will willingly forego putting his feet up and letting me carry all of the load speaks volumes of his love for me and our children. It’s amazing how simply helping your spouse around the house can make them feel loved. There are times where the kids are preoccupied and I can break away and help out with his chores. It gives us just another opportunity to talk and keep the camaraderie between us strong and healthy.

Speaking of talking, another way we’ve discovered to keep the honeymoon alive is by reminiscing on “our story”. We’ve spent countless hours reliving the moments that caused us to fall in love in the first place. I attribute a lot of our happiness to these heartfelt discussions. When you are remembering together on a regular basis the reasons why you fell in love in the first place, you’ll find it easier to get beyond the difficulties that you may face in your marriage. It’s easy to forget where your story all started once life is firing on all cylinders, but the more you recount the precious moments, the harder it will be to forget them.

Most importantly, praying with your spouse will connect you in a special way that nothing else will. I have to admit that we don’t do this nearly enough (Let’s work on this, darling). I’m great about praying and reading scripture alone, but sadly, I don’t do these things nearly enough with Anthony. There’s this higher level of intimacy that is reached when we pray together and commune with God. It stirs something deep inside and our souls seem to dance with one another. That’s the only way I can possibly explain it. It’s some of the most beautiful moments we’ve shared together.

Someone once told me that every time you are physically intimate with your spouse, you are renewing your wedding vows. It’s always been such a lovely thought, and I hold onto it tightly. Anthony once said, “One day we aren’t going to be what the world considers beautiful, but you’re always going to be my beautiful bride.” It was a reminder that we are going to get older and time will take it’s toll on us. There may very well come a day when we will no longer be able to express our love physically, and then what? I think it plays in our favor to have discovered other meaningful ways to express our love for one another that also help to maintain and even grow our friendship. We’ll have had lots of practice by the time we are older so if sex is no longer part of the equation, I firmly believe we can continue to have a happy and thriving marriage. It wasn’t part of our official wedding vows, but we have promised to love one another into Heaven. What a gift! All I can do is pray that we are on the right track and that God is pleased with what we have done with the gift of love that He so kindly bestowed upon us. My hope is that not only our marriage, but all marriages can be reflections of God’s endless pursuit of our hearts.