You'll Get 'Em Next Time, Champ

Last night, Aidan came home from his baseball game looking downtrodden and defeated. "So, how was your game, Aidan?" He hung is head down and said, "We lost tonight. I made a few mistakes, too." I've seen how much he enjoys playing, but he also has a very competitive spirit (Thanks to his dad) and a streak of perfectionism (Thanks to both of us). It's hard to see your kid so down on himself. As he starts to fight off tears, I get down on my knees so he's taller than me. I've discovered that when it comes to "heart to heart" discussions, that this position has the most impact. I made him look down into my eyes and I gave him as much affirmation as I could. I reminded him of how proud we are of him, that we know he's a great player, and that even though he may not have won, he's still a winner because he put forth his best effort.

After Aidan took his shower, he came downstairs to have some yogurt. I was going upstairs to help with Ethan and Bella's baths when he stopped me with, "Mommy, why was Coach (blank) so mean to us when I was on his team? He never gave us any encouragement or made us feel confident. Why did he do that?" First of all, I thought to myself, "Way to express yourself, kiddo!" (When it comes to expressing feelings and having fine tuned intuition, Aidan is my precocious child.) I replied with, "Coach (blank) was a bully and he figured that by yelling and fussing at you and your team that he was going to make you all play harder, but in fact it discouraged you and your teammates from wanting to play at all. That's not how you get someone to play better. You just need to practice hard and give it your all on the field. The more you practice, the more confidence you'll have." He seemed satisfied with my answer, and he didn't say anything more.

Being a baseball/soccer mom, I have seen and heard from both coaches and parents some pretty harsh words. How quickly some adults forget that they are just little kids out there. I know firsthand how damaging words can be. If we want to have more confident kids, we need to focus on their strengths and help them as best we can to hone their craft. If they continue to hear about everything wrong they did, but don't hear about anything right, how are they going to actually want to improve the areas that need some work? Aidan's team emotionally shut down last year. I saw it on each of their faces as they walked on and off the field. They only won one game, and I'm certain it's because their coach wasn't encouraging them enough. Here we are a year later and Aidan is still mulling over in his head the negativity that came from his previous coach. As adults, we have to set the example by providing them with positive words of encouragement. What are they learning by watching adults yell and scream at kids and even at each other? This isn't what we want them to emulate when they're adults.

One of the things Anthony and I can do as parents is keep our eyes and ears open and make sure that our kids are getting the encouragement they need to build up their confidence. They need encouragement from their coaches, but they need it that much more from their parents. At this age, kids that play sports are having fun on the field, but one of their main concerns is making mommy and daddy proud. Win or lose, hug them, kiss them, high-five them and remind them when they do lose a game,"You'll get 'em next time, champ."