R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Last week I posted a blog about being mindful of our actions in front of the littles. They begin to learn behaviors at a very young age by observing what we do as parents. How we treat our spouse in front of our children is just as important. If we are failing to treat our spouse with the love and respect that they deserve, chances are, our children will end up using the same disrespectful attitude when interacting with others. When you are in the heat of an argument, it’s hard to remember that little ears and eyes are taking in everything we’re saying and doing. I certainly don’t have it all figured out, but the following is what I have learned so far in my journey of being a wife and mother.

First of all, respect begets respect. Respect is one of the keys to having a successful marriage AND considerate children. Each time our kids observe my husband and me treating each other with respect and taking each other’s feelings into consideration during a disagreement, whether we realize it in the moment or not, we are teaching them how they should treat their peers. If our goal is to have children that are good friends at school (which it is), we have to use our relationship to show them how to be good friends at home. We’ve made the mistake of losing our cool in front of the kids from time to time, but we also make sure that they are present when we apologize to one another and, most importantly, forgive one another. I can only pray that they are taking away something of value from this. We can’t always shelter the kids from our disagreements and, I think in some ways, it can be a good thing. Hopefully, they are learning that it’s normal for people to have disagreements and how vitally important it is to say, “I’m sorry”. This type of scenario isn’t the only time we can provide our children with a teachable moment about respect in relationships. Manners indeed breed respect.

Practicing good manners has become a lost art in this day and age, and we try our absolute best to remind our kids to say “please” and “thank you” and “ma’am” and “sir”. However, they can also take away another lesson in regards to respect by observing how we use manners within our marriage. My husband is absolutely wonderful about opening all doors, pulling chairs, and helping me to put on my coat. By watching Anthony, our sons are learning about chivalry and how to treat women with respect and dignity and our daughter is learning how a man should treat her like a lady. I’m praying that this will make her extra picky when it comes to choosing future boyfriends. I know what I put my mother through when I was dating and I sure don’t want to relive that with my daughter. (Disclaimer: Not all the guys I brought home were bad, but there were a few that, in retrospect, even I have to raise an eyebrow.)

God created marriage so that a man and woman could join their lives together as one and allow God to love them through their mutual love for one another and through that love, they can create and raise children in the ways of the Lord. The family is one of God’s most beautiful designs. Aidan, Ethan and Bella learn firsthand how to treat others by observing the relationship closest to them, and that is our marriage. By no means do we have a perfect marriage, but I do believe that we have a well-balanced marriage that our children may want to emulate someday. Although we can’t force them into the mold we would like to see them in, we can at the very least leave an impression that will be positive and encourage them to want to treat others with respect through our example as husband and wife. Jesus instructs us in John 13:34 to love others as He has loved us. It’s not always easy to love like that, but it’s a challenge that we are called to accept and as followers of Christ, we should be willing to step up to the plate. We may strike out from time to time, but we have to keep on swinging. Nurturing our relationships within our families is a never-ending journey. Concerning marriage, as long as we do our very best to love one another, we are being a good spouse and in turn, trying to be a better parent, and that makes God happy, happy, happy.

Habemus Papam!

Now that the cheers in St. Peter’s Square have quieted and all has gotten somewhat back to normal at the Vatican, I’d like to take a moment to write about something that bothered me the day Pope Francis was elected. First of all, I couldn’t be more pleased with the choice the cardinals have made. Pope Francis is a man after God’s own heart through his humility and love for the poor. He demonstrated this beautifully in addressing the crowd for the first time. I think he’s just what the Catholic Church needs at this moment. He was an unlikely candidate, but the Holy Spirit knew what He was doing when those ballots were cast. Sometimes it’s those less likely expected to do great things that end up being the most influential. So with that being said, God bless Pope Francis as he begins the journey of shepherding his flock.

Social media played a huge role in getting the word out that we had a new pope. It was exciting to see so many posts of jubilation when Pope Francis emerged from the doors at the Vatican. I was filled with so many wonderful emotions by just watching it all unfold on television, so I can only imagine actually being there in St. Peter’s Square with the massive crowd cheering. I’d been there before and saw John Paul II in 1999 and remember the feeling of pure joy when he passed by. The man oozed of the Holy Spirit! I’m sure that being there for Pope Francis’ election was a spiritual rush as well.

As I was reading through all the posts on facebook, I was particularly pleased to see that our local Christian radio station had posted a picture captioned, “Houston, we have a pope”! I really appreciated that they decided to join in on the celebration even though there probably aren’t many Catholics on their payroll. Unfortunately, hurtful words came from fellow Christians. Some of the more popular responses were, “Why are they giving so much glory to that man? Only Jesus should be given this kind of celebration.” and “I thought this was a Christian radio station. Why is this news for us?” Christians should be careful not to wear their halos too tight...All it does is cause others to have a headache, and boy did I have a major headache after reading that hubbub. There are so many misunderstandings about the church that I would be writing for days, so I’ll try to keep this as concise as possible.

If you take away the "pomp and circumstance”, the fancy garb and the gold crosses and chalices and replaced it all with simple pants and shirts, you’d probably see things much differently. In fact, the men before you may look just like your neighborhood preacher or pastor. It’s hard to see past, especially if you aren’t Catholic, but we rarely notice all of the extra “stuff”. We’re too focused on Jesus, not the men up on the altar. Sure, we rely on them to guide us in God’s ways, but our hearts remain faithful to God and His words in scripture.

As Catholics, we believe that the pope’s teachings on matters of faith are infallible. What does infallible mean? It means absolutely trustworthy or sure. I think that just about everyone finds that their preacher or pastor is trustworthy. You wouldn't go to church otherwise if there wasn't something he or she said that really caught your attention and pulled at your heart strings. We trust our pope just as protestants trust their church leaders. We’re also falsely accused of idolatry when it comes to the pope and the saints.  We have never worshiped a pope or the saints and we never will. And let’s be totally honest for a moment here. Catholics are criticized because we give too much praise and affection to our pope, but don’t protestants do the same when they find just the right pastor? Not that it’s a bad thing to go from church to church to find a “home”, but a lot of times people (especially in the infancy of their faith) will end up in a church with a pastor that preaches just what they want to hear, but not necessarily what they need to hear. Or they go for the music or the socializing aspect of a faith community. All these things are great and actually essential, but are they becoming bigger and more important than Jesus and living our lives for Him? Is the pastor being given rock star status because he or she knows how to work a crowd? Is it hard to pray and worship unless you are jamming out to the band in the front of the church? If that’s the case, then something isn’t right. Although I don’t agree with what other churches may do or preach, I’m not saying it’s wrong. My point is that instead of folks pointing fingers at Catholics, why don’t they take a hard look at what’s going on at their own church first. Remove the pastor’s fancy words and charm, remove the music and remove the social scene after services. Close your eyes in the quiet of the church. Is God there? Do you feel Him without everyone around and all you can hear is a pin drop? Does He permanently dwell in that space? God’s love isn’t just a warm and fuzzy feeling you get or an emotion that gets stirred up during church. God’s love is alive and constant, and you should be able to sit in the silence of your church and sense Him there always, and I am positive that there are many churches that have that "walk in the door and the spirit is there" ambiance.

It’s a bad thing when anyone of any faith makes a man or a building or even their faith community bigger than God. We need the aforementioned to a certain extent, but it shouldn’t take precedence. How we worship God is a major life decision. Just make sure you fully understand why one chooses to worship the way they do before you try to cast any kind of judgment, and that goes for people of ALL faiths, mine included. Catholics aren’t dangerous or purposefully misleading others. How can anything that Jesus Himself instituted be categorized as either? After all the ups and downs the church has gone through for over 2,000 years, the foundations of the faith remain true…You are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it (Matthew 16:18) and This is my body…This is my blood…Do this in remembrance of me. (Luke 22:19-20; 1 Corinthians 11:23-26).

I think if God had not found favor with the church, He would’ve destroyed it by now instead of growing it to over 1 billion followers. If you know nothing about Catholicism, and if you have the inclination to try to disprove what Catholics believe based solely upon what you may have been taught, I encourage you to set sail and cast your net out into the deep and really learn about the church. Don’t be intimidated by all the information out there, but be intrigued by it. It’ll take time and lots of prayer for wisdom and understanding, but you may very well fall in love with one of the most beautiful gifts God left us with on planet earth…Himself in the Eucharist. Taste and see that the Lord is good! If you are a Christian and thought about maybe being a Catholic, you already possess the most important trait; your love and desire for Jesus. If you want to learn more about the faith, start with stopping by your public library and check out The Catholicism Project narrated by Fr. Robert Barron. It may also be available on Netflix. It’s a wonderful DVD series filled with great information and showcases different cultures that have embraced Catholicism and many beautiful places of worship around the world. If you find yourself hungry for more knowledge, start reading about some of the saints and become acquainted with them (St. Pio or St. Therese of Lisieux) or read other Catholic literature. I highly recommend "Rediscovering Catholicism” by Matthew Kelly. It’s easy to read and chock full of wonderful insight and information. My mission in writing this isn’t to slam other ways “to do” church or to convert you. I just want others to see that the church isn’t a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and to challenge and encourage everyone to learn about what they may not understand. I certainly don’t have it all figured out, but I enjoy all the learning I’m doing along the way about other faiths other than my own. And knowing is half the battle (If you are an 80’s baby, you should know exactly where that came from). There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28).

Raise Them On Your Knees

 

From the time they can see through the bars of their cribs, they’re observing you. The song “Every Breath You Take” instantly comes to mind. It’s especially tough to stay on our best behavior in front of them after we’ve been up all night with a baby that just won’t sleep or a kid with a nasty tummy bug. The next day we’re rather cranky, and when we hear “Mom?” or “Dad?” we snap back with an exasperated “What"? Sound familiar? I went through this recently with my oldest son and he replied with, “Um, never mind, I’ll ask Daddy”. In that moment, I realized that I’m teaching him to be grumpy and impatient. That isn’t exactly a lesson I wish to build upon.

What we say, how we say it, and what we do is being watched and absorbed by those sweet little pairs of eyes. In a world filled with so much anger and impatience, we should be shining examples of gentleness, patience and grace. So where do we find our strength to change our ways? As Christians, we rely on God by praying to Him and asking Him to help us to raise our children in His ways. We can put our kids in Sunday school, catechism, religious education classes, church summer camps or retreats, but they won’t apply what they learn unless it’s incorporated into their lives at home.

Mom and Dad, we have to become our child’s first teacher, particularly in the ways of the Lord. Proverbs talks A LOT about rods (ouch), but this verse is very significant for me as a parent; Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6) If your children see you actively living out your faith by going to church and praying together as a family, when they are out on their own, the roots from the seed you planted will already have been well established. Will they stray for a little while? Possibly. We all have to try and find our own way. I was raised with parents that go to church and have a strong faith in God. I knew all about Jesus and accepting Him as my savior and learned to appreciate what Catholicism contributes to my faith life, but yet I still had a time where I strayed and wasn’t as devout as I had been in previous years. When all was said and done, I knew who I belonged to because the roots were already set in my heart thanks to my upbringing. I knew God was vital to my existence so the choice to “come back home” was easy. And the same may happen for your children. They may find worldly desires that are far more fun to chase than following God, but when they are left empty and tired after all that galavanting, they’ll quickly realize that it was God they were missing and they’ll have you to thank for being an example of what it means to remain faithful to God.

Constantly ask God for guidance in raising your children. Mom, have a servant’s heart, dress as a respectable lady should, be gentle, loving, and filled with God’s grace. You’ll teach your children that consulting with God will help them to make good choices and to be in constant pursuit of God’s own heart, and if you have a daughter, you're going to have a very happy son-in-law and grandchildren someday. Dad, be a gentleman, courageous, fair in discipline, kind, reliable, and firm in your faith. You’ll teach your children what it means to be wise and strong in times of adversity, and if you have sons, you’ll have reputable young men to send out into the world.

It takes so much more than baptizing your child and going through the motions. Christianity is a lifestyle, not something you do just on Sunday. Pray and read scripture together as a family throughout the week.The best thing you can give your children is the gift of faith, but you can’t do it all by yourself. You need God to be your guide. When they’re all grown and you get a compliment on how wonderful your children are, you can confidently say, “I raised them on my knees”.

Be Not Afraid

On March 4, 1933, during his first inaugural address, Franklin D. Roosevelt would coin the memorable expression, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”. (As a side note, if you aren’t familiar with the whole address, I encourage you to look up the audio or the text. It is a speech that is still very much relevant today.) Roosevelt was elected during a time that Americans were suffering through The Great Depression, and I’m sure that the tens of millions who listened to him on their radios that day found a little comfort in his words. I would guess that when the airwaves went silent, although they felt a bit uplifted, their thoughts returned to figuring out how to put bread on the table the following day. When we begin to allow ourselves to be ruled and controlled by our fears, however big or small they may be, it can consume us wholly and cause unnecessary anxiety and feelings of hopelessness. Here’s the deal though. You don’t have to let your fears be your master! You can take back your thoughts and begin to feel like you have control again, especially when you turn to God for assistance and allow Him to show you that you have nothing to fear in the first place.

I remember going through lots of emotions just before I married Anthony. Happiness and excitement were at the forefront of those emotions, but there was definitely a heaping dose of fear about moving to Las Vegas. I grew up in a very small town where everyone knows each other. I was rather comfortable in my little corner of the world and wasn’t quite sure how I would cope with living so far away from everything I’d ever known. That in and of itself was more than enough reason to make any girl’s feet freeze right there in her wedding shoes and “accidentally” miss her limo to the church. I was terrified to live in Las Vegas, but I couldn’t allow that fear to overshadow what was going to be my new life. If I had allowed my fear of getting out of my comfort zone (1,800 miles away from my comfort zone) to control my thoughts, I could have missed out on an opportunity for growth mentally, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually. I spent a lot of time in prayer about it, and God was starting to sound like Bob Marley every time he reminded me that everything was going to be alright (I dare you to imagine God talking to you in a Jamaican accent and not laugh).  Unfortunately, our human nature is to rely solely on our own devices to make decisions, whether they are a part of God’s plan for us or not.

In the early stages of my marriage, regardless of the fact that my husband made me incredibly happy, I found myself crying out, “God, why did you lead me here?  What is the purpose of being away from everyone that I love and everything that I know?  What do you expect from me”?  All I had to do was take one look at my husband and I knew what that purpose was: to love and serve him as best as I possibly could.  In retrospect, there were numerous areas of my life that I needed to cultivate and mature, and honestly, being in Louisiana wasn’t going to help.  I had to literally go out into the desert away from everything that was familiar to me so that Christ could transform me into the woman He needed me to be.  I’m no longer in the desert (literally), but figuratively, I have to go back from time to time. Being a disciple of Christ is a life-long journey, and a huge part of conquering fear is belonging to Him, but no matter how often you may win the battle, another hurdle will be placed before you.  As tempting as it may be to allow fear of the unknown to become a contest yet again, you can’t allow history to repeat itself, and part of preventing this is to turn to your faith and open up scripture for guidance.

In Isaiah 41:13, we read, “For I am the Lord, your God, who grasp your right hand; It is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you’”. I can close my eyes and see myself as a child again and God asking if it would make me feel better if He held my hand. How many times have our kids been afraid and have asked us to hold their hands? The comfort of knowing that we are there gives them the courage to face whatever it is they are afraid of. In my middle son’s case, we recently brought him to the doctor to update his vaccinations, and I was there to set his mind at ease as best I could. Since we are physically bigger, children believe that we can squash whatever it is that they are afraid of and place a steadfast confidence in us as their protectors. God operates along the very same lines. The last thing He wants for us is to be filled with fear of any kind.  He wants us to have confidence in Him, and as Christians so frequently say, there is absolutely nothing too big for Him that He can’t help us get through. It’s a great relief to know that “The Big Guy” is in our corner.

In addition to finding comfort in scripture, there are other ways to keep fear at a comfortable distance.  Some fear is good to have around. Holy fear of the Lord comes to mind. Fear of hurting ourselves or someone else is another example. But fear that grips you at your core and tortures you emotionally can be debilitating. By far, the most important shield of protection is Christ. He is the only one that can provide us with what we need to be victorious in our battles. Other ways to combat these overwhelming feelings is to remind yourself of all that you have been blessed with and remember the times that you have been fearful yet God delivered you from your fear and everything turned out to be ok. Anytime I am faced with fear, I revisit past occurrences step by step and remember how God guided me through it and that everything went according to plan. Actually, in most cases, things turned out even better than what I had hoped and prayed for. Remembering God’s faithfulness is instrumental in getting your thoughts realigned with His. When you gain confidence in Him, you gain confidence in yourself.

Also, having a support system to fall back on is essential.  It’s not a good idea to keep mum and hope for the season to pass. Talking candidly with someone you trust can make a huge difference. Don’t ever feel ashamed to admit to a family member or a close friend that you are having a difficult time dealing with fear. You are making yourself vulnerable, but you’re also giving someone the opportunity to give you the words that you just might need to hear in that moment. Talking with my husband, as painful as it was at times, about the fears I was experiencing and listening to his words of reassurance helped me to put things into perspective and to have a more confident outlook. Keep in mind that whomever you confide in may be going through a very similar situation as well and have a need for companionship and the comfort of knowing that they aren’t alone in their own struggle. God could use you in a big way during your trying time to be a blessing to someone else, and in turn, you can find the relief you are searching for.

Stopping your fears in their tracks isn’t going to happen overnight, but through prayer, reading scripture and having a strong support system around you, it can get easier. Fear prohibits you from being the best version of yourself. Not only could you be cheating yourself out of experiencing the happiness God has placed before you, but you could also be cheating others from seeing the radiance within you. Your family and friends depend on you for more than you can possibly imagine, and when you are preoccupied with your fears, you aren’t fully available to be there for them when they need you most.  That alone should be enough to make you want to put on Christ and change your thought patterns.  This process may take lots of time and tons of patience, but when you get to the end and look back on the journey, you’ll be proud of your accomplishment and find yet one more reason to love God and yourself.

Blogging? I Got Time For Dat! (I think)

Making the decision to start a blog has been an interesting process. I struggled mostly with wondering if I would even have the time for it, and truth be told, I probably don’t, but I have a need for an outlet. Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t for the faint of heart. Hanging out with the kids 24/7 has many rewards, but in addition to caring for them, there is always something to be cooked or cleaned or a diaper needing to be changed or someone needing to be chauffeured to baseball practice. It can all become very overwhelming and time quickly slips through your fingers. Before you know it, the sun is beginning to set and it’s time to rest your head and mentally run through tomorrow’s to-do list which doesn’t make for the best night’s sleep. I think what finally convinced me to start on this journey was my own need to write; to be candid and put my thoughts and feelings out there so that perhaps not only could I give some encouragement to those who are in a similar season of their life, but to encourage myself as well. We all need a pep talk and a little encouragement from time to time. My goal for this blog is for it to be a place where the reader can have that “Oh, my gosh, I know just what she is talking about!” moment because at that point, we feel connected and loneliness becomes a fleeting emotion. Knowing someone else out there is going through the exact same things can be quite comforting. I want to share my thoughts on a number of topics that anyone with a family could appreciate. So with that being said, I guess I should give a brief introduction of myself to those who aren’t familiar with me.

My name is Jennifer (please, call me Jen) and I’m 32 years young. I was born and raised in South Louisiana (Geaux Tigers!), but have made Houston my home. My husband’s name is Anthony and we’ve been happily married for 8 ½ years. We have three amazing children named Aidan (7), Ethan (4) and Isabella (21 months). Reading, writing and traveling are some of my biggest passions. Oh, and food. I love, love, love food. Could you expect anything less from a Cajun? My time is best spent being with the ones that I love. I have a wonderful group of friends who help me to stay grounded. Most importantly, I have a strong love for my Creator for without Him, I am but dust. You’ll see in many of my posts that I will include how faith plays a huge part in my life and God willing, it’ll inspire you to turn your eyes to Him in not only the trying times, but the joyous ones as well. Be a blessing to someone today and happy reading!