Let's Eat!

Open communication is an essential practice in The Brown household, and what better way to spend quality time than talking with each other around the dinner table. Very rarely do we not eat a meal in the evenings together as a family. It’s the perfect time to catch up with each other and learn all the latest and greatest on the school ground. Plus it gives us as parents a chance to listen in for any key words or phrases to let us know if there is something that we need address with the kids.

Not every night (some nights are rushed because of after school activities), but most nights we go around the table and ask, “What was your favorite part of the day?” I find that when Anthony and I discuss the highlights of our day, the kids are more willing to participate. It’s an opportunity for us to really get to know our kids. We want to be aware of who they are hanging out with, what kinds of games they are the playing with friends and what they’re learning in the classroom.Every bit of information helps us to be better parents. Aidan will go into explicit detail over every part of his day. So much so, we have to remind him constantly to finish eating his meal. His enthusiasm for sharing with us is encouraging, especially in light of the fact that we are approaching an awkward age where he won’t want to talk as much. Ethan is still getting the hang of figuring out his favorite part of the day. So far it’s eating lunch with his friends and recess, but we’re also learning about how he feels about a few of his classmates. He’ll tell us if they’re being mean or if they’re bad in class. He’s starting to understand about what's acceptable social behavior and what's unacceptable. I’m happy that he seems to favor the acceptable behavior. Bella just laughs, and that’s more than good enough for us.

We always want our children to feel comfortable talking with us about everything and anything. We want the dinner table to be a safe place where they feel free to openly discuss whatever is on their minds. I’m sure as they get older, they won’t want to talk as much. Teenagers, especially, have a knack for keeping mum, but our hope is that by practicing open communication during dinner, they’ll be more willing (and comfortable) to talk with us, especially when difficult situations arise. If eating together as a family is something that you haven't been doing as of late, try to get everyone together at the same time and form your own tradition around the dinner table. You'll help to facilitate better communication with your spouse and your littles, plus you'll be creating wonderful memories for your family to look back on for years to come. Fellowship at the table is an act that God calls all of us to. Say grace, enjoy your meal, share your thoughts and spread God’s love to your family and friends. Bon Appétit!

“They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer”. – Acts 2:42

Cleaning House

I grew up in an immaculately clean home. My mom vacuumed practically every day and mopped the floors multiple times a week. I never quite understood why she cleaned so much (other than to help with my allergies), but now that I have my own home and family, it makes so much more sense to me. It’s all about taking care of what God has blessed you with and making sure the wonderful people you live with and everyone who walks through that front door feel comfortable.

I’ve seen on facebook a quote that says “A clean house is the sign of a wasted life” posted numerous times over the years. I get a little worrisome when I come across it. In the back of my mind I’m wondering if my friends secretly think that about me. I’m the girl that gets warned with, “Jen, my house is a mess. Please don’t look around!” when I visit. Funny thing is, as much as I like to keep my house tidy, how someone else keeps their house really isn’t a bother to me. I love my friends dearly and I go to their houses to see them, not how clean their home is, and I think they know that. (And there’s no secret judging going on either, ladies!) :)

I like my home to feel fresh and inviting. When someone reclines on the couch and props their feet up on the coffee table, I want it to become their “ahhhh moment”. Seeing their comfort makes me so very happy! That in and of itself makes all the mundane housework worth it. For me, keeping the house tidy is my little way to make others happy by providing them with a comfortable space.

I’ve been asked before how I manage to keep everything so clean and in place with three kids, but I really don’t have any “method for my madness”. I do the major cleaning once a week (dusting, vacuuming, mopping, kitchen/bathrooms). The rest of the week is all about picking up and spot cleaning. I find the more I pick up and spot clean throughout the week, the easier my major cleaning days are.

For the domestic divas looking to do a cleaning overhaul of your own home, I do have some advice. For one, don’t do it all in one day! De-clutter, reorganize and clean one room at a time. Once you get everything to your liking, it’s easy to keep it maintained. If I may, I’d also like to recommend a few of my favorite cleaning products (I have an impressive line-up on the top shelf of the bathroom closet). For cleaning the kitchen/bathroom sinks, counters, bathtubs and toilet seats, Comet is my absolute best friend. Lysol toilet bowl cleaner works much better than anything else I’ve ever used (The Scrubbing Bubbles gel thing that sticks to the bowl don’t work worth a darn and just encourages little hands to play in the toilet water). For mopping, I like Mr. Clean antibacterial (lemon scent). For everyday spot cleaning, 409 works the best. It works quickly on a number of surfaces AND it’s also antibacterial. Plus it smells better than using Clorox cleaning products. Windex is great, too, but don’t use too much of it. The more you use, the more streaks you’ll leave behind and also more lint will come off of the paper towel and stick to the glass. And just for freshening up, Febreze does the trick. I love the Gain scented one. It’s fresh but not overpowering.

I am so very thankful for all that God has blessed us with. I feel that it is my obligation to Him to take care of our home. This home is a gift and I get to share it with so many amazing people. I don’t feel like I’m wasting my life when it comes to cleanliness. I feel like it’s my way of praising God for His goodness, and I do it all out of love for Him, my family and my friends. Besides, when all of my work is done, there’s nothing like breathing in deeply and smelling the freshness. If peace had a scent, I’m pretty sure that clean smell would be it. 

Lost And Found

Just about every parent has that brief moment where one of your children isn’t accounted for. It’ll happen at a department store or at a theme park. Time stands still as you search frantically for your little one. Five minutes feels like five hours. After almost 8 years of being a mother, it finally happened to me, but I wasn’t out and about. I was right here at home.

Anthony was working in his office and I was getting dressed in the bathroom. Bella was watching me put on my make-up as she does just about every morning and Ethan was playing Nick Jr. games on the computer in the kitchen. While I was in the bathroom, I heard the door chime beep. Since Anthony works from home, I assumed maybe he went out into the garage for something or went in the backyard to remove the dead bird laying out on the patio that I had not long before texted him about.

About 10 minutes later, I came out of the bathroom to tell Ethan to go potty before we left for the grocery store. I called around for him and all I heard in return was a deafening silence. My pulse began to quicken as I ran around upstairs and down searching frantically for my boy. I couldn’t find him anywhere. Then I remembered that the door chime beeped while I was in the bathroom. I ran out to the backyard and saw the dead bird was still on the patio. It was proof that Anthony wasn’t the one to open the door. Fear gripped me to my core as I had to acknowledge that Ethan opened it.

Panic starts to set in as I make one more search around the yard and the house. Every worst case scenario begins to run through my mind (Someone heard him in the backyard playing and snatched him or he somehow managed to open the side gates and was walking to the park alone or he was going to the duck pond and oh dear God, what if he fell in and drowned? What if he was hit by a car? What if he’s lost out there and scared and I can’t find him? Oh, Jesus, please no!!! Not my baby!!!!)  I barge into Anthony’s office not caring that he was on the phone and told him that Ethan was missing. He hung up the phone and searched everywhere I had looked and still no answer. No sweet little voice to ease my greatest fears. I ran down the street calling for him and found absolutely nothing but a beautiful day that’s unaware of my despair.

Finally, I return to the backyard and try to control my thoughts and think logically about where he might be. Anthony runs out back to meet me and gives me the relief that my heart was longing for. He found Ethan in the car and buckled into his car seat. I fell to my knees at his words and went prostrate, thanking God that we found him safe and sound. Tears filled my eyes as I tried to catch my breath.

I hadn’t told him we were going to the store, but for whatever reason he felt compelled to go sit in the car and wait for Bella and me. The adrenaline rush left my heart hammering, and my body began to shake. My heart is still racing as I type this and think of the terror I felt in that briefest of moments. Ethan could tell we were frightened and he began to feel scared as well. He apologized and we reminded him to never open the door without asking Mommy or Daddy first.Then I smothered him in hugs and kisses.

We went on to the grocery store and life resumed as normal, except for when he asked, “Mommy, can I have this?”, for random things he really didn’t need (normally he’s told “no” to most of it), but today because I love him so much and can’t bear the thought of ever losing him like that again, I acquiesced and bought him the finger paints, Teddy Grahams, and pack of toothbrushes he sweetly asked for.

We are so vigilant with keeping our eyes on our kids, and this situation goes to prove that losing them, if only for a moment can happen anywhere at any time. I hope and pray that we never feel that fear of losing a child ever again. I’ll be holding all three of my children even tighter. Thank you, Jesus, for keeping your hand over our son.

Recalculating!

How many times have we looked up to the heavens with a pouty countenance and asked, “Ok, God. That didn't work out so now what?” I’ve asked that question at least a million times and I’m sure I’ll ask it a million more. When we’re young and lacking inhibitions, the world is our oyster. We think we know exactly what we want and how we’re going to get there, but as life plays itself out, we find out that as much as we thought we were on our way to dotting the “i’s” and crossing the “t’s” of our plans, we weren’t even close to having a sharpened pencil to write with. Frustrating isn’t it? I think what makes it most frustrating is that we have to begrudgingly accept that we really don’t have control over what transpires in our lives. Try as we might, we can’t possibly ensure that everything we want to accomplish will turn out the way we planned. It’s especially tough to turn over the wheel to God and allow Him to do the steering. Unfortunately, I’m a painfully stubborn daughter and still learning this lesson the hard way!

For just about every facet of my life, I have a checklist to reference and an internal GPS programmed with a final destination. I hate that unexpected “recalculating” moment (Except when it’s an Allstate commercial with Mayhem, then it’s just funny).  If I do have to take an alternate path, I become very overwhelmed and begin to have feelings of anxiety because I can’t control what’s happening. Most recently, I had my first ever panic attack over selling our house and trying to buy another one. Once I pulled myself together and stopped feeling like a putz for not handling the situation better (I’m sure it was a pathetic sight to behold), I had to begin the process of reevaluating my plan and trying to better understand what was my purpose for it in the first place. Besides letting go of my white knuckle grip and allowing God to take over, one of the things I learned about myself through this particular situation is that I was definitely not designed to be under stress. Some people can handle it beautifully with such grace and fortitude. I was not blessed with nerves of steel, and I’m at peace with that. I just need to do a better job at communicating my feelings when I’m feeling anxious. Bottling it up only made me look certifiably crazy!

So what do we do when our plans go awry? The best place to turn is scripture. I think it’s safe to say that one of the most popular scripture passages regarding this subject is Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  It's a passage that covers a broad spectrum as it is applicable to every single area of our lives. We always think that we know better than Him and are quick to forget that He is the God of the Universe…He knows everything about everything for goodness sake! We aren’t supposed to know how our plans are going to turn out. If we did, we wouldn’t need faith in God and that is certainly not a part of His plan. He wants us to depend on Him for all of our needs. Sometimes we struggle with having unequivocal trust in God’s will because our faith in Him just isn’t strong enough, but think of it like this...Just as our muscles get stronger when we workout, the more we place our faith in God, the stronger our faith will be.

A moment ago I mentioned reevaluating my plan. When things don’t go according to the way we expect them to, we should dissect every detail about that plan. I think the most important place to start is looking at the intended purpose of our plan, whatever it may be. Was it something that I needed or that I wanted? Was it something that would bring me closer to God or lead me astray? Was it something to help others or was it to help myself? I find more often than not that when I have a selfish intent, things don’t go my way. It’s God’s way of humbling me and keeping me rooted in His plans. God sees the bigger picture, and I often times find it difficult to focus in on what He is preparing for me amidst all the craziness that speeds this life along. In the case of selling/buying a house, I don’t believe that I am being selfish over material possessions, but I do believe that I was being selfish by thinking that I could do this all on my own without completely relying on Him. In my heart, I prayed about this plan and kept my focus on His will for me, but my head was secretly holding on to a false hope that everything would work out the way I wanted it to. Now that I have gained some clarity (sometimes you have to freak your freak to get there), I have even more confidence in God’s plan for me and my family. I still feel stress and a little anxiety from having to keep the house immaculately tidy, but that comes with the territory of selling a home. Overall, I actually have peace whether we sell our home now or at some other time.

The Rolling Stones got it right in these lyrics:

You can't always get what you want 
But if you try sometimes well you might find
You get what you need

                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

What we want isn’t necessarily aligned with His plans for us to prosper (spiritually, emotionally, financially), and keeping our faith firm in Him can help us tremendously when our plans get flushed down the toilet. It’s a good thing that we don’t always get what we want because at the end of that season, we may not end up being as happy as we thought we would be. If you don’t get that house, or land that job, or get that raise, or receive the answers you were hoping for, don’t fret. It just means that God is working on something even better for you. Don’t look at it as being an unanswered prayer. No answer is an answer. Trust in His love and His plan, and while you’re at it, buckle up and try to enjoy all the “recalculating”. Sometimes the scenic route ends up being a much better adventure anyway.

“The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs His steps.”- Proverbs 16:9

Girly Girl In A Boy's World

Bella is quite the diva. She is a young lady with a mind all her own. She’s independent, strong-willed and LOVES all things girly girl. I think if we would’ve had her first and there were no boys around, she would probably be the queen of princesses, but she has two older brothers that have lots of cars and weaponry, and she doesn’t hesitate to switch between her toys and theirs. It’s fun watching her go from preparing an award-winning dish in her kitchen then making a beeline for her brothers’ cars and trains. She gets to enjoy the best of both worlds and in the process she’ll hopefully learn some important life lessons.

When we got married, we agreed to have three children. I was two for two in the boy department, so when it came time for number three, I was mentally preparing myself for another bouncing baby boy. I had wanted a girl, but wasn’t going to get my heart set on it so I prayed about it, and God answered my prayer. I love watching her play with her baby doll so affably then chucking her down to the ground like a bouncy ball for a monster truck. It’s a small glimpse into her growing personality. She’s a lot like her momma (Disclaimer: I don’t chuck babies down to the ground). What I mean is that she embraces her femininity, but she also isn’t afraid to hang with the boys and do “boy” things. I’m a huge fan of make-up, lovely dresses and sexy high heels, but I also don’t mind wearing shorts and flip flops while sitting in a boat sweating buckets in hopes of catching a mess of fish. I’m glad (and relieved) to see that she’s following in my footsteps.

 

As she gets older, I’m sure we’ll have Disney princesses, Barbie, and fairy tale endings coming out of our ears, but I don’t want her to become so engrossed in that world that she thinks it’s a reality. The unfortunate truth is that life isn’t always going to be so pink and frilly with hearts and rainbows floating about. She has to learn to be tough and to not play the roll of damsel in distress. I want her to be a woman with ambition after God’s own heart and not waiting around for Prince Charming to ride with her off into the sunset. I want my girl to be a “go-getter” and based on my own observations, she handles herself quite well with two older brothers bossing her around. Bella is well on her way to being a successful young woman at whatever she decides to do with her life. I want her confidence to come from her intelligence, not from her beauty. The earlier she learns that, the better off she’ll be.

God definitely knew what He was doing when He gave us Bella last. I really like that she has two older brothers to look after and protect her, and as much as they tend to boss her around, they wholeheartedly adore her. As fun as it was having just boys around, she’s added just enough pink and lace to keep things pretty around here. I love playing all our girly games, but I look forward to taking her fishing, showing her how to shoot a gun and teaching her how to play softball. Yep, a little dirt in the skirt never hurt anyone. 

How I Wonder What You Are...

This past weekend, some dear friends of ours invited us over for dinner. It was a beautiful evening filled with delicious food, great conversation and lots of laughter. There was even a friendly game of horseshoes with my uber competitive husband (yes, he won…luck had everything to do with it). It was an all-around great night, but something so sweet and precious turned an already delightful evening into something I will never forget.

After we finished eating dinner, we were enjoying the cool spring air and having a grand time catching up with our friends out on their patio. The sky was clear of all clouds so every star in the heavens above were twinkling brightly. While sitting at the table, I happened to look up and see my middle child, Ethan, staring up at the sky with such wonder and innocence. He had the slightest little smile on his face as he was singing softly “Twinkle, Twinkle” to the stars. It was a completely unscripted and private moment for him that turned into an eye awakening experience for me. I was so touched by my baby boy’s innocence that I became choked up and tears began to prick my eyes. I immediately had a sense that there was some lesson or reminder that God was trying to drive home.

I’m a star gazer. There aren’t many cloudless nights around here, but when there is and I happen to be outside, you can bet that I will be admiring the stars. There’s something about looking up and feeling so small that reminds me just how big and majestic God really is. I remember one evening in particular last year that I was watching a meteor shower. As I was waiting for another moment to “ooh” and “ahh”, I became very aware of God’s presence all around me. I could “feel” Him say, “See what I have created for you? I love you that much!” What an emotional moment that left a huge impression on my heart! It was definitely one of those rare “Daddy/Daughter” moments with my Heavenly Father. I wish those moments happened more often, then again if they did, I’d probably take them for granted and I’m sure that’s the last thing God would want me to do, especially since I take everything for granted to some degree.

With all the horrific events that happen every single day (Most markedly, yesterday’s bombing at the Boston Marathon) it’s easy to lose sight of the goodness in God’s creation. His divine fingerprint can be found on everything we experience. We don’t have to be at the Grand Canyon or gaze upon the Rocky Mountains in order to experience the awesome power that is God. We can find Him in every flower, in every land animal, in every creature of the sea, in every bird of the air and in every sunset. He is the author of all life, and I am thankful that He puts breath in my lungs so that I can experience this life, and ultimately, experience Eternity with Him.

I don’t think Ethan realizes it, but I believe he was communing with God that night. I asked him later when we came home how he felt in that moment. He smiled and said, “I felt happy and the stars were happy, too.” We should all be like an innocent child and be in awe every time God reveals Himself to us through His creation or through the teachable moments He so often bestows upon us. I know He used my precious boy to serve as a reminder for me to continue my search for Him in everything (and everyone) around me. There are days that I just can’t seem to feel Him with me (even though He is there), but I pray I never become so disconnected that I can’t look up at a starry sky and feel loved.

But Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”- Matthew 19:14

It Takes Two, Baby

My last few posts have been a doting-palooza on my most precious blessings, my children. I am so thankful that God gave them to me, and in turn, I gave them right back to Him through their baptisms. It is truly a gift and an honor to be their Mommy, but I wouldn’t even be a mother if I hadn’t become a wife, and I wouldn’t be a wife if the greatest man I have ever known hadn’t gotten down on one knee in front of a church on a frigid Christmas Eve and asked me to be his bride. He’s a pretty humble guy, so I hope that he doesn’t mind that I’m writing about him. I don’t know if I can even come up with all the words to adequately describe just how great of a guy he is, but I’m sure going to give it my best effort.

I’m sitting here in Anthony’s office as I’m writing this and looking at a family photo that he placed on his desk from our trip to Destin last summer. I stare at him in that photo and can’t help but smile. Anthony is one of those guys that you don’t come across very often. In fact, for me, he’s a once in a lifetime catch. He’s full of passion and fire, especially about his faith and our family, yet he’s so gentle and light-hearted. His is a passionate love, given freely and without reserve, and all you have to do is look into his eyes to see just how true and genuine he really is.

If you’re not completely familiar with our story, here’s a brief intro. We met through a Catholic dating website and actually fell in love before we even met. It was a total and complete God-incident. I mean, how can you possibly fall in love with someone that you’ve never even met face to face unless God was in the equation?  I never imagined in a million years that something like that could actually happen outside of the fairytale worlds created by Disney, but it did and it took me completely by surprise. Funny thing is that when he found me online, I was pretty close to giving up on the website. The only reason I joined was because I had hope that there was more to dating than what I was sadly growing accustom to. I kept dating the same kinds of guys, and found myself yearning for a relationship with more sustenance. I was eager to find a love that was holy. I prayed a long time for my future husband to be revealed to me, and then low and behold, God steered me into the world of online dating. Honestly, I thought He was nuts, but He has never been wrong so I reluctantly obliged. Almost a year later, I receive an email from a very attractive young man living in Las Vegas that embraced the same beliefs as me, and well, our happily ever after is still in progress. It amazes me that, after we did the math, we’d only been in each other’s physical presence for 30 days spread over a year and a half stretch before we got married. It sounds crazy and precarious, but it all worked out beautifully just the way God intended it to.

Marrying Anthony was the easiest decision I had ever made. I knew how much he loved me, not just because he told me as much, but I could see it every time I looked into his eyes. Oh, those eyes! His eyes are definitely a window to his beautiful soul. You can sense the Holy Spirit within him, and I think that’s why people are so drawn to him, including myself. God works through him to touch others and the best part is that he doesn’t even realize it. He knows he’s a nice guy, but he doesn’t realize just how truly special he is, and I think that makes him all the more fascinating.

If you’re looking for a true friend, then Anthony is your guy. I can honestly say he’s the most amazing friend I’ve ever had. We have lots in common, but just enough differences to keep things fun and interesting. We’re always together (practically 24/7) and I believe the reason we haven’t driven each other stark raving mad is because of the fact that we are best friends and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. I’d rather watch football and drink beer or go to a soccer game and cheer obnoxiously loud (GO DYNAMO!) with Anthony than with anyone else. I love that we are buddies just as much as we are lovers. Our BFF status is just one of the many facets of our marriage that I treasure.

Anthony‘s devotion to our family is nothing short of extraordinary. He completely empties himself to love and serve us just as Jesus has called him (all of us) to do. We all have our “moments” with one other in our family, but Anthony is usually the one to step up and apologize first. What a wonderful example he sets for our children (and for me)! And as willing as he is to say he’s sorry, he’s even that much more willing to forgive. His aptitude for forgiveness is awe inspiring, especially for someone like me who is quick to hold grudges. He always tells me that I make him want to be a better man, but I think it’s more the other way around. He makes me want to be a better person and an even more committed Christ-follower.

Some of my most precious moments with Anthony are when we finally have some alone time at night after the children are tucked away, but even more precious are the times we have spent in worship together. Anthony’s faith is what made me fall in love with him to begin with. I’ve never known another man to be so open and candid about his faith. When we hold hands to pray together at home or worship as a family at church, something significant that transcends time and space happens. It’s truly supernatural and I can’t find a word to describe it other than joy. It’s a small glimpse into what eternity will be like when we are before the throne of our God singing His praises amongst the angels and all the company of Heaven.

Our vows were, “Until death do us part”, and we are both committed heart and soul to that most sacred of promises. However, I feel that not even death can truly separate us. A love like ours couldn’t possibly lay dormant in a grave. Our love is more alive than we are because that love is from God. I know once we are in Heaven together, we won’t be married any longer. There’s no need for marriage there, but it’s amazing to think that the love we have now will be far surpassed by the love we will have for each other (and everyone) once we have entered into eternity. Try as I might, I really can’t wrap my mind around it! It’s going to be a glorious time of singing and dancing and laughing, and I have a chance to share all of that with my beloved. What a privilege!

In the meantime, I’m going to continue to treasure everything that I love about him. I don’t want to take one second of this beautiful life together for granted. My time with him and our children is more precious than anything this world could ever offer me. Anthony, in case you haven’t noticed, I am rather fond of you (and our kids). From day one, God has laid everything out for us seamlessly. We’ve had one adventure after another, but the one that I enjoy the most with you is right here in this moment of our lives as parents to young children. I wouldn’t have those three beautiful children upstairs if it weren’t for you and your ability to love so purely. Your love continues to inspire me to be everything that God intends for me to be. Thank you for being His instrument in my life and allowing Him to work on me through you. Thank you for being my best friend, and I hope I make you at least a fraction of how happy you have made me. I look forward to many more days of love and laughter. I love you, darling. Infinity times infinity. (Beat ya!)

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness, and patience, forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body.”- Colossians 3:12-15

Aidan Joseph

There is so much to share about Aidan that I am having a hard time trying to condense all of my thoughts. He really is an amazing kid so full of life and laughter. He loves to be outside playing sports or trying to catch bugs and lizards. He really takes an interest in learning about Mother Nature (animals, plants, weather, etc.) He likes to talk about Jesus and hardly ever forgets to say grace before meals (rarely do we have to remind him). He’s got a million dollar smile and a heart as big as Texas. We couldn’t have asked for a better firstborn child.

Out of all three of my children, Aidan is the most precocious. I sometimes forget that he’s only 7, especially when we talk about matters of faith. He’s so mature when it comes to talking about God, but in other areas he’s a little immature, and that’s ok. I’ll chalk that up to having younger siblings. Aidan was born in August, so we were torn trying to decide when he should start school. Academically, he was ready, but sometimes I wonder if he was ready emotionally. I was kind of in the same boat as he is and I turned out just fine (although that is probably questionable on some days…Ha!). I think he may be behind a smidge socially, but he makes friends very easily regardless, and what he may lack in social maturity, he makes up for it with a big heart! He’s a well-liked kid and you can’t ask for more than that.

Being our oldest, I’m sure there are times when we are harder on him than we should be, and I think part of that is because he doesn’t believe in himself the way we believe in him. Humility is definitely one of the strengths of his character. He’s always up for getting an “Atta boy!”, but when you give it to him, he becomes a little shy. It’s funny how he’ll say or do something funny for attention, and then when you give it to him, he’s embarrassed. Actually, it’s not funny…It’s sweet. Sometimes he’ll get a little carried away and bounce off the walls with excitement, but Aidan just wouldn’t be Aidan if he didn’t. I wouldn’t expect anything less from him.

Aidan’s intuition is razor sharp, and he has a level of empathy that I don’t even see in some adults. He can tell by just the tone of my voice or by reading my facial expressions and body language what kind of mood I’m in. He’s usually the first one to notice if I’m sick, too. He’ll sit by me, ask if I’m sick, then proceed to give me a list of options (food, water, medicine, ice packs, etc.) to choose from to help me feel better. About a month ago, I had some really bad sinus issues. It was time for him to go to bed, but before he went upstairs, he ran to the fridge, got a bottle of water, and put it on my nightstand. He gently approached me on the couch, explained that he put water next to the bed, gave me a hug and told me that he hopes I feel better in the morning. Not many kids will do that. One day when I’m old and sick, I know he’s going to be right there holding my hand. (Insert ugly cry!!!!)

We’ve asked him before on occasion what he wants to be when he grows up. His go-to response is usually, “I want to work at home on the computer like Daddy”. Maybe one day he can, but it’s hard getting him to understand that not everybody gets to work from home like his Daddy. We’ve also talked about him becoming a priest. Honestly, I see him more as a priest than I do a husband. And he has all the qualities that would make him an amazing priest. He’s humble, empathetic, compassionate, loving, forgiving, and most importantly that boy loves Jesus. I can’t wait for him to experience Christ in the Eucharist in just a few short weeks. I know he already has a love for the Lord and this is only going to make it grow by leaps and bounds.

It’s sad to think that my big boy is going to be 8 this summer. It seems like only yesterday that I held him for the first time. The first six months of his life were so tough between GERD and having surgery to correct it, but he got through it beautifully, thank God. One thing I learned about him early on in his life is this; He is a fighter, and I hope that he channels that passion to help change the world. He’s got it in him. We just need to work on helping him to believe in himself more. There are times he leaves me scratching my head with his silly antics, but I wish there were more kids with a heart like his. He has what it takes to be an effective leader. We’re going to keep working on encouraging him to give his best and not to settle for anything less, and pray for him to have the wisdom he needs to make good choices in his life.

Aidan Joseph, you won my heart from the first time you were placed in my arms. You bring so much energy and excitement into our family. We have our moments when we have to be tough with you, but it’s because we see so many good qualities within you and we want you to see them, too. And you may fight with your brother from time to time, but we see how much you love him, especially when you try to offer him a helping hand. We also see how you adore Bella even though there are several years between the two of you. You quickly became her champion and I know you will always be there to love and protect her. You make us so very proud every day, darling. Always be true to what’s in that big heart of yours and it will never steer you wrong. We love you all the sands on the shore and all the stars in the sky.

“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4:32

In The Middle

Oh, my little lover boy. My sweet, sweet middle child. I’ve never met a more tender soul than his. He’s all rough and tumble, but he’s sensitive, too.  He loves to explore the great outdoors and find all sorts of critters, and he is always going on some kind of railroad adventure with his trains. He loves to make everyone around him happy and has this wonderfully contagious laugh. He has this warmth about him that makes you want to scoop him up, smother his cheeks with kisses and never put him back down. He really is just that sweet and lovable!

We hear all the time about “middle child syndrome”. Ethan had to share me with Aidan and then he had to share me some more once Bella graced our lives with her lovely presence. I always worried that, being the middle child, he would somehow feel as if I weren’t giving him enough quality time, but quite the contrary. He’s turned out to be a bit of a “momma’s boy”. At the same time, he’s more independent than Aidan and Bella. As much as he likes to be around us and his friends, he also likes to have his alone time, too. I’m glad that he feels secure enough to go off and do his own thing. I’m hoping this is a sign that he’ll be eager to retreat to quiet places and seek God’s guidance one day.

He’d always been a tad shy and didn’t speak very often, but he really came out of his shell once we enrolled him in Pre-K 3 this past year. Now, he talks up a storm and is quick to befriend just about anyone he encounters. He still has that shy little smile that melts me into a big puddle of goo, though. I can only tell that kid “no” by the grace of God. Those brown puppy dog eyes sure know how to pull on my well used heart strings, and sadly, he knows it!

Ethan’s always got a song in his head and a little pep in his step (And may I add the child has impeccable taste in music). I try to grab as many singing and dancing opportunities as I can! He’s getting close to that age where he won’t be as willing to break into random song and dance. As I’m writing this, I’m watching him run around and sing. Pretty soon he won’t be as foot loose and fancy free. I tear up just thinking about him getting so close to that always dreaded “too cool” stage. Even when he does, I feel confident saying that he’ll always have a soft spot for his Mommy.

Aidan is at an age where he can read on his own and isn’t so hot about me reading to him anymore, but Ethan loves to listen intently in my lap as I read and take him to all sorts of fun places. He loves a good “long” story and asks all sorts of fun questions along the way. The best imaginary trips we’ve had are when we read, “We’re Going On A Bear Hunt”. Our favorite spot is in the cave when we discover the bear, then take off running to get back home as fast as we can only to hide under the sheets and vow to never go bear hunting again. One day those adventures will be no more, but I don’t want to focus too much on that. At least I have the comfort of knowing that (hopefully) he’ll remember those special times and will revisit them often, especially when he’s all grown.

I think about what he will do with his life when he’s on his own. Sometimes I envision him at the altar as a priest shepherding God’s flock. Other times I see him married with children of his own bouncing on his knee. He has a heart made for service, and I already see God’s love growing within him. Whether he ends up in the church or with a wife, he’s going to make the people around him feel like they are a part of something special. We still have many years before he has to decide what road he wants to travel, but it doesn’t hurt to start praying about it.

As for now, I’m going to enjoy getting hugs and kisses the first time I ask for them. I’m going to enjoy random dance parties and sing-a-longs. I’m going to enjoy story time and all the extra cuddles that come with it. I’m going to drink in everything about my way too quickly growing baby boy. Ethan Michael, my heart overflows when I think of you. You are so special and everyone that has met you knows it, too. I pray you always have that shy little grin, and that soon you will begin to understand about Jesus and how very much He loves you. May your heart remain pure, darling. We love you all the sands on the shore and all the stars in the sky.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” – Matthew 5:8

Isabella

Yesterday, we had a broker open house at our home. The entire morning was spent getting the house picked up and sparkling clean. It's the first time that I had ever prepped my home for an event that I wouldn't be present for. It seems like all who came by had a good time, and that makes me happy. I always want our home to feel welcoming. Anyway, I had finished mopping and moved on to other items that needed to be scratched off my never ending "to-do" list. As I was straightening up the bedroom, I could hear Bella playing with the mop. She was mopping the tiles in front of the fireplace (someone has been paying extra close attention). I redirected her to the kitchen floor, and she went to town! She was beaming with pride as she moved the mop around to and fro. I'm sure she hit all the spots that I missed during my haste to get everything done.

After a while, much to Bella's chagrin, the fun had to come to an end. This brought on a huge conniption (that would later be outdone by a nuclear meltdown of epic proportions at Target). Her screams were so ear piercing (both times) that I'm fairly certain my friends on the west coast could hear her! She got over it 30 minutes later, and then it dawned on me. All she wanted to do was mimic what Mommy was doing. I had better appreciate it now because one of these days, I'm sure it's going to be a fight to get her to help out around the house.

Bella is so impressionable at this stage of the game. She wants to imitate everything from putting on Mommy's make-up right down to her brothers' toilet humor. She's learning where she fits into our family and is becoming a more active member. It's fun watching her figure out who she is. One thing is for certain. The child oozes confidence, and I admire that about her immensely. I am praying now that she can hold onto it tightly. It'll serve her well in the years to come.

I'm a bit biased, obviously, but she really is a lovely girl. She has just the right balance of girly girl and tomboy. She loves dresses, baby dolls and pretty glittery things, but isn't afraid to play hard and get a little dirty outside. She's strong-willed and independent, yet so lovable and sweet. She's a daddy's girl, but is always on the heels of her Mommy. I really look forward to the day when she understands who Jesus is and allows Him to work in her life. I feel deep down that she's destined for a wonderful life full of excitement and adventure (hopefully not too much of the risky variety though). I can already tell that she's going to be the type of girl that will want to spread her wings when she's all grown. This makes me proud, but there is some sadness, too. I just pray she won't fly too far away and knows that we'll always be eager to have her home.

Until that day comes, I'm going to enjoy all the special little moments I get to share with her. We'll keep having tea parties followed by adventures with Thomas the Train. We'll play with make-up, fix our hair, and paint fingers and toes. We'll glitter up everything we can get our hands on, bake cakes and cookies for no reason at all other than to be working on something together, and share secrets that only mothers and daughters can. I can't make time slow down, but I can soak up every moment with my beautiful little shadow. My darling, Isabella Marie, you have my heart always. I never thought that I would have a daughter, but God knew exactly what He was doing and sent you to us at just the right time. We love you all the sands on the shore and all the stars in the sky.

"For this child I prayed; and the Lord has granted me my petition which I made to him." - 1 Samuel 1:27

Mirror, Mirror Pt. 2 - A Time For Peace

One afternoon I had had enough of abusing myself. As silly as this may sound, I looked in the mirror (cue Michael Jackson) and gave myself a good talking to! I told myself that I needed to get a grip and quit obsessing over the things that no one, not even my own husband, was taking record of. I needed to stop feeling inadequate and comparing myself to others. Most importantly, with tear-filled eyes, I told myself that whether I realize it or not, I am beautiful simply because God made me, and who am I to insult His creation any longer. It was shocking to hear myself talk this way. Where could this inner strength have come from? I now know that it came from the Holy Spirit. God knew I couldn’t do it on my own, and I’m not too proud to admit that I was weak and needed Him to help me through this difficult and overextended season of my life. Maybe if I had given this pep talk to myself years earlier, I could have saved myself a lot of grief, but I can’t dwell on what could’ve been. I have to stay focused on now, and right now, I am more confident and at peace with myself than I have been in two decades. (God willing, it’ll stay that way.)

 Psalm 147:3 says “He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds.” My healing started the day of my pep talk. Have I slipped up along the way? Sure. Old habits die hard, but every day I’m getting stronger and more aware of my thought patterns. I know what will set me off so I try my best to avoid those thoughts and habits that I’ve grown so accustom to. As I said earlier, I still have my issues with the scale, and I’m praying that I can let go of that soon. It always helps to find scripture passages like Song of Solomon 4:7 “You are all fair, my love; there is no flaw in you.” When God formed us in the womb, I would like to think that this is how He thought of us as his precious and beloved children. I know that this is how I feel when I look at my own children. If God thinks I’m great just the way I am, I need to feel this way, too. As far as I know, God has never gotten anything wrong.

Year before last, I was going to Adoration just about every Saturday morning. I would have my prayer time and then I would dedicate the rest of my hour to reading scripture. I was very familiar with scripture, but decided to read the New Testament straight through just like a regular book. It took me a few months, but I read the New Testament from Matthew to Revelation. I remember coming across 1 Peter 3:3-4 which says “Let not yours be the outward adorning with braiding of hair, decoration of gold, and wearing of robes, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable jewel of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” I knew that verse was going to be so very significant for me. So much so, I remember coming home and posting about it on facebook. No one else understood my excitement at this little discovery, but I knew exactly what God was trying to tell me. God was calling me to stop looking so much at the surface and to dig deeper to find the true beauty that I was keeping locked up deep inside: the type of beauty so brilliant that when someone looks at you, no matter how you appear, they know you are filled with God’s love. I found myself accepting that even though outer beauty would fail me, the inner beauty fueled by God’s love and grace would never fail and it would only accentuate what’s on the outside.

I began to feed my spirit more through prayer and reading scripture. I could feel and see God working within me. Over time, I gained more confidence in myself and the easier it became to let go of my self-image issues. I wasn’t as concerned about what others may think of me. I was more concerned with what God thought of me. With His divine intervention, I was able to scale a very difficult mountain. I still have some work to do, but hopefully I have endured the worst of it. Twenty years is a long time to be your own worst enemy. Looking back, it saddens me that I spent so much time and energy focusing on what I perceived to be wrong with myself. I could go through all kinds of procedures to “fix” everything that I thought was wrong, but I wouldn’t be satisfied. I know this is true because when I got my braces taken off last year, I wasn’t content. I was still slipping every now and again and obsessing about other things. Thankfully, I have gotten a handle on it, and I have to give credit to my husband for being my safe place. He has been so incredibly sensitive to my self-image issues. Not once did he tell me to get over it or as guys so often try to do, “fix it”. He’s been an immeasurable source of strength and encouragement, and he has continued to build me up with his support. Anthony, I can never repay you for walking with me through this. Having your arms available for me to cry in when I needed to or having your ears willing to listen to me has been a huge part of my healing process. Thank you for making me feel beautiful and helping me to realize that I am good enough just the way I am.

So where do I go from here? Only God knows the answer to that. I know where I’ve been and I’m in no rush to hurry back. It feels amazing to look in the mirror and say, “Damn, girl. You look good today!” I hope that I can keep this newfound confidence. I want to be a good example for my children, especially my daughter. I want her to learn from my mistakes and help build her up into a confident young lady from the inside out. I want to teach her that true beauty is found on the inside and how important it is to nurture her mind and heart with God’s word. I don’t want her or my boys to ever go through what I have. I want so much more for them than that. I also want them to understand how powerful their words are and to choose them wisely. You never know what you might say that could cause significant damage to someone else.

Now that I have found some inner peace and have candidly laid everything out for all of the world to see, perhaps I can forever close this painful chapter of my life and focus on the bigger and better things that I know God has in store for me. I feel precious in His sight. I feel like I do matter. I feel beautiful…I am beautiful, and I am at peace. All praise, honor, and glory to you, Lord Jesus Christ, lover of my soul and guardian of my very existence.

“I will praise the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have being.” – Psalm 146:2

Mirror, Mirror Pt. 1 - Sticks and Stones

Every girl has the innate desire to feel pretty. Some girls are blessed enough to look in the mirror and walk away feeling confident. Other girls (like me) have a difficult time looking at ourselves in the mirror without becoming overly critical and eventually, you end up becoming your own worst enemy. Dealing with self-image issues has been an almost lifelong struggle for me. It’s been easy to hide behind a smile (Which, by the way, I got braces as an adult to “fix” because in my head I thought it wasn’t good enough), but I feel like I don’t have to hide behind it anymore.  I have found solid ground to stand on, thanks be to God. This is my chance to be candid about a problem that has plagued me for most of my life. My hope is that someone out there that has gone through this will know that they aren’t alone in their struggle and that there is hope for a better tomorrow.

Junior High is such an awkward time for a kid. They start to notice differences in other kids that they hadn’t in years past. Everyone starts to take notes on how others are dressing and want to have the latest and greatest in fashion. In my time, Girbaud jeans, brushed leather jackets and K-Swiss were all the rage, and like the little robots we were, we all complied with the standards set so that we could fit in and be “cool”. Problem is, at least for me, following the crowd didn’t do anything for me. There were some really mean girls whom I was certain got up in the morning with the sole intent of making me miserable. Words can be incredibly powerful and at times so very hurtful. It hurt to be told that you’re ugly or that you aren’t cool enough. I had my circle of friends, and even their innocent teasing that wasn’t meant to cause any harm did in fact hurt my feelings all because I was so damaged by that one group of mean girls. I never did let anyone see me cry. I did enough of that by myself at home. This is when I began to heavily scrutinize everything about myself which turned into an obsessive behavior.

I hated how skinny I was, hated being flat-chested, hated my hair and hated my teeth. Most of all, I hated that I didn’t feel pretty and had zero confidence in myself. I don’t think I ever felt pretty or confident (even a little bit) until high school. I must have had something going for me because guys were interested in me, but that was never enough to make me feel better about myself. Somehow, I managed to keep all of this very private. I didn’t even confide in my parents about it. How in the world do you tell them “I think I’m ugly and I hate myself”? Then again, I didn’t realize what I was going through was a problem until I was much older, so how would I have known to go to my parents in the first place? I think my mom may have known because she would always tell me, “Those girls pick on you about your clothes or how you cut your hair, but I always see them doing the same things as you.” I never saw it, but I appreciated her trying to make me feel better. I don’t think she realized though just how hard I was on myself.

High school was, thankfully, a great experience. I was active in school activities and made life-long friendships, but the self-loathing continued behind closed doors. By the time 9^th grade rolled around, I still had a hard time accepting myself as I was. I couldn’t possibly see anything good about myself on the outside or on the inside. I always had faith in God, but it really took off in high school, especially my Jr. and Sr. year. I was still obsessing over everything that I thought was wrong with myself, but I wasn’t doing it as much. I slowly started to see the good things about myself thanks to some amazing friends and teachers and my mom, too. She always gave me encouragement when I needed it.  I felt like I was finally beginning to move past that chapter of my life.

Fast-forward to adulthood, and you have a young woman that has fallen right back into her old ways. Her body has gone through some changes as a result of pregnancy. She stares in the mirror hating herself, yet again, and every little thing she thinks is wrong with her is recited over and over in her thoughts. Thighs are too big, pesky cellulite starts to show up regardless of exercise, tummy isn’t as tight as it used to be, and skin around the eyes is losing elasticity. Then begins a ritual of getting on the scale multiple times a day, and even though the scale says 109, it just as soon say 190. (I have gotten control over all of the obsessing, but I still do battle with the scale. How I don’t have an eating disorder is purely by the grace of God, although I am very conscientious about what I eat and how much I eat. It’s funny how the girl who hated how skinny she was now isn’t skinny enough). And even though her husband looks at her with a passionate love and desire, she still doesn’t feel pretty.

A few months after I had our youngest, Bella, I went shopping at the mall for some new clothes, and I had all three kids in tow. I remember passing by a lady in one of the stores and she asked, “Are they all your children?” I beamed and proudly claimed them to be mine! The next thing she said made me stop right in my tracks, and though it was meant as a compliment that any other woman would’ve taken with grace, I had a hard time accepting it. She told me, “Wow, you could be a fashion model! Really, you look fantastic!” I smiled and said, “Thank you”, but I felt so uncomfortable inside. I’ve never been good at taking compliments (I’m much better at it now, especially when they come from my husband). I never felt like I deserved to be complimented, particularly about my looks. Part of that is because of my own self- damning thought process and partly because I have always been afraid of vanity and pride. Verses like Proverbs 31:30, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” and Proverbs 16:5, “Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not go unpunished” had me scared to death to feel good about myself. I know what those verses really mean now, but even still, I don’t like to get too big of a head about anything because I don’t want to offend God.

Satan has whispered so many lies to me over the years and I actually believed him. He had me so transfixed with the negatives that I wasn’t even attempting to embrace the positives that others have been so kind to point out to me. So what does a broken girl do when she is sick and tired of the vicious cycle and can’t seem to get out of the rut she put herself in? She turns to the only true source of comfort and peace she’d ever known. She turns to God.

“Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand”-Isaiah 41:10

Encountering The Risen Jesus

At Mass this morning, one of our deacon's really grabbed my attention with his homily. This weekend's gospel reading was about doubting Thomas and how he didn't believe that Christ had risen until he saw him for himself and put his finger into Jesus's precious wounds. The deacon talked about how we can encounter the risen Jesus every single day and recognize that it is Him if we would only open up our eyes and our hearts to see. It made me begin to remember all the ways that I have encountered Christ, and I'd like to share a few thoughts.

I think the most significant way I have encountered the risen Jesus is within my marriage and my relationships my children. Anthony loves me with a love so true and so pure. The only possible way he could love me like that is if God instilled that kind of love within him to share with me. It's a kind of love that almost seems as if it's supernatural at times. I feel like God uses him to touch my heart in very special ways so that I know without a doubt that He is ever present in my life. I like to think that anytime Anthony hugs me, God's hugging me through him. I also encounter the risen Jesus through my children. When they are playing and getting along together, they all exude unadulterated joy. The way they laugh so sincerely and the way their eyes light up and sparkle must be what it's like to see Jesus laugh. I can look into their shining little faces and see Christ within them. What a gift they are to me! Thank you, God.

I've also encountered the risen Jesus through my family. I had parents that, regardless of their differing Christian faiths, did their very best to raise me up in the ways of the Lord. Jesus was there within them every time we talked about Him and how important it was to give my life to Him. He imparted wisdom upon me through their willingness to guide me. I'm thankful for having parents of faith. What a gift they are to me! Thank you, God.

I have been blessed to have some amazing friends come into my life over the years. Anytime they have been there to comfort me or give me encouragement, I know Jesus was right there acting through them. Jesus has also held me accountable through some of those friends, and for that, I'm grateful. It's not always easy to have someone close to you tell you to "shape up", but it's much easier to take when you know that it's really Jesus having a heart to heart with you. What a gift they are to me! Thank you, God.

Last, but certainly not least, I've encountered the risen Jesus through the deaths of my Grandmother and my Godfather. Both of them traveled on some rough terrain during their final days. Though I grieved, I could witness firsthand and experience the risen Jesus's mercy when He called them home. I watched and listened to my grandmother desperately try to say her rosary and commune with those who had already gone home before her to Jesus. I saw the way my Uncle Phil did his best to be a comfort to those he was soon going to leave behind when rightly he should've been the one to be comforted. Undoubtedly, the risen Jesus was there for all to experience in those hospital rooms. I'm thankful that their deaths were so holy, and that I could be there with them during their final days. What a gift (and an inspiration) they continue to be for me! Thank you, God.

Jesus isn't far away. He's as close as the person next to you. You can encounter the risen Jesus every single day. I encourage you to think about the times you have encountered the risen Jesus, especially in others. And just as important, remember that Jesus lives within you, too. Let Him shine for all the world to see!

"Jesus said to him, "Because you have seen me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed." - John 20:29

You'll Get 'Em Next Time, Champ

Last night, Aidan came home from his baseball game looking downtrodden and defeated. "So, how was your game, Aidan?" He hung is head down and said, "We lost tonight. I made a few mistakes, too." I've seen how much he enjoys playing, but he also has a very competitive spirit (Thanks to his dad) and a streak of perfectionism (Thanks to both of us). It's hard to see your kid so down on himself. As he starts to fight off tears, I get down on my knees so he's taller than me. I've discovered that when it comes to "heart to heart" discussions, that this position has the most impact. I made him look down into my eyes and I gave him as much affirmation as I could. I reminded him of how proud we are of him, that we know he's a great player, and that even though he may not have won, he's still a winner because he put forth his best effort.

After Aidan took his shower, he came downstairs to have some yogurt. I was going upstairs to help with Ethan and Bella's baths when he stopped me with, "Mommy, why was Coach (blank) so mean to us when I was on his team? He never gave us any encouragement or made us feel confident. Why did he do that?" First of all, I thought to myself, "Way to express yourself, kiddo!" (When it comes to expressing feelings and having fine tuned intuition, Aidan is my precocious child.) I replied with, "Coach (blank) was a bully and he figured that by yelling and fussing at you and your team that he was going to make you all play harder, but in fact it discouraged you and your teammates from wanting to play at all. That's not how you get someone to play better. You just need to practice hard and give it your all on the field. The more you practice, the more confidence you'll have." He seemed satisfied with my answer, and he didn't say anything more.

Being a baseball/soccer mom, I have seen and heard from both coaches and parents some pretty harsh words. How quickly some adults forget that they are just little kids out there. I know firsthand how damaging words can be. If we want to have more confident kids, we need to focus on their strengths and help them as best we can to hone their craft. If they continue to hear about everything wrong they did, but don't hear about anything right, how are they going to actually want to improve the areas that need some work? Aidan's team emotionally shut down last year. I saw it on each of their faces as they walked on and off the field. They only won one game, and I'm certain it's because their coach wasn't encouraging them enough. Here we are a year later and Aidan is still mulling over in his head the negativity that came from his previous coach. As adults, we have to set the example by providing them with positive words of encouragement. What are they learning by watching adults yell and scream at kids and even at each other? This isn't what we want them to emulate when they're adults.

One of the things Anthony and I can do as parents is keep our eyes and ears open and make sure that our kids are getting the encouragement they need to build up their confidence. They need encouragement from their coaches, but they need it that much more from their parents. At this age, kids that play sports are having fun on the field, but one of their main concerns is making mommy and daddy proud. Win or lose, hug them, kiss them, high-five them and remind them when they do lose a game,"You'll get 'em next time, champ."

It's A Date!

A few days ago I posted about keeping the honeymoon alive in our marriages and made a couple of recommendations for other ways to show your spouse love in addition to physical intimacy. There is another way to keep things fun and fresh that I wanted to dedicate one whole post to, and that is continuing to date your spouse long after you say “I do”.

Dating your spouse is one of the best ways to keep the honeymoon alive. I think a lot of us lose interest in continuing to learn about our spouse after a while because we think we are aware of everything there is to know about them already, and once you add kiddos to the equation, we have a plethora of distractions. Sometimes we soon forget that we need to make alone time with our spouse to reconnect and continue building upon our relationship.

I can tell you from experience that when Anthony and I go on a date, we have the best time reconnecting and end up having some great conversations over dinner and wine. (We actually prefer to go to dinner over a movie so that we can talk.) We eat and converse and compliment one another on looking nice. (I can’t lie...Hearing Anthony tell me, “You are breathtakingly beautiful” never gets old). Afterwards, we usually hit up a Starbucks before going home and continue our conversation. We’ve talked about childhood, faith, family, politics, and school days. You can never learn too much about your spouse, especially since we’re constantly changing as a couple and as individuals. There really is nothing quite like breaking bread together, going over the details of your life with a fine toothed comb, and reliving the special moments that you’ve had together as a couple. It’s a great way to stoke the fire.

While getting all dressed up and hitting the town can be a lot of fun, sometimes money can be an issue. When we were first married, we didn’t have a whole lot of money. I would suspect that would be the case for most newlyweds. We would go out to dinner or a movie every now and again, but some of our best dates were at home. When we lived in Las Vegas, our apartment had a little porch with a table and two chairs. We’d sit out there with candlelight, some music playing in the background, a plate of fries or tater tots and Electronic Battleship. After Aidan went to bed, we had the absolute best time trying to beat each other. All of the smack talk and playful banter made for some really fun evenings…And beating the snot out of my ultra-competitive husband was always icing on the cake! Another romantic and inexpensive date is to pick up a bottle of wine, put on some tunes, and find a nice spot to star gaze. We’ve done this on occasion in our own backyard, and let me tell you, it makes for some very romantic evenings. If you’ve never danced out under the stars, you’re missing out. Don’t ever let the lack of funds discourage you from utilizing what you already have at home to create a perfect evening together.

Whether you have a flexible budget to splurge on a romantic evening out or if you have to count your pennies and plan for a romantic night in, either way, you can still have some much needed alone time with your spouse and continue to pursue them just like you did before you got married. Guys, I encourage you to take the initiative and plan a romantic evening for your wife. Maybe even get creative and pick an activity other than dinner or a movie. Us girls like to feel like our guys are still trying to chase and impress us. Be a gentleman by opening doors and pull out her chair. Stand up when she excuses herself from the table. Make her feel like the most beautiful lady in the room. Girls, take some extra time to do your hair and make-up. Rock an outfit that maybe you haven’t worn in a while. Go that extra mile to make your husband take notice of all the little things that made him attracted to you in the first place, and for goodness sake, flirt with him! If you both put forth the effort to pursue one another, you’re going to end up feeling special and incredibly loved by your spouse, and if you’re lucky, perhaps you can indulge in a little one on one once you close the bedroom door for the evening. The honeymoon can last your entire marriage. I feel in my heart that it’s what God intends for our marriages. You just have to be willing to put forth the time and effort. Your spouse is worth it. Your marriage is worth it.

“Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is born of God and knows God.” – 1 John 3:7

Impromptu Reality Check

This morning started off great. My feet hit the floor and I felt like I could get through my work today without too many distractions since 2 out of 3 kids are in school. The weather is relatively humid, but I’m having a great hair day regardless and I’m feeling rather cute in the ensemble I chose after rummaging through my closet as is my ritual in the morning. Everything was in order and well-balanced, and then on the drive back home from bringing Ethan to school, I ended up with an impromptu reality check.

I’m driving along and rockin’ out to my current favorite jam “Pusher Love Girl” by Justin Timberlake (side note: AMAZING album, although I could do without “Strawberry Bubblegum”), and as I’m singing and grooving down the highway, I see a hearse pass by in the lane next to me carrying a coffin. Almost instantly the wind was taken out of my sail when I thought about how at any given moment, that could be me in there. I made the sign of the cross out of respect, and then suddenly, I started looking at today a little differently. Feeling cute, having a great hair day, fretting over repainting my already chipping hot pink and black fingernails, mentally going over my to-do list for around the house and worrying over when my house will finally sell all of a sudden seemed very insignificant, and quite frankly, nonsensical.

I came home and started doing the dishes and asked myself, “What if my life was snuffed out like a wick? It could be at any given moment. What have I done today to make God proud? What would He say about my last moments?” It’s extremely humbling to think that more than likely, He wouldn’t be so impressed with me. How quickly we can forget that life doesn’t revolve around us and all of our “problems”. There’s a bigger picture to be seen and we can get so caught up in things that, in the grand scheme of it all, really don’t matter in the first place. We easily become consumed with trying to control the things we can’t and worrying about what others may think of us. We can look to scripture and find many passages about trusting in God’s will and not being concerned with the matters of the world. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that as Christians, we don’t belong to this world and the seemingly appealing promises this world has to offer are empty and will one day be no more, but God’s love and promises will go on for all eternity. I don’t know about you, but I’m willing to put all my chips down on Him.

My challenge today (and everyday) is to keep myself from being so bothered by the things that don’t matter to God and to focus more on what I can do to make my Heavenly Father proud of me. I know that in my current state, I wouldn’t feel very comfortable approaching the throne of God. He might not have too many good things to say. I’m just thankful that He is merciful and that He’s given me the gift of today to try to be a better version of myself, and I’m thankful for the teachable moments that He puts in front of me. I just have to keep my eyes open for those moments and turn to scripture to find the wisdom and encouragement I need to do better next time.

All scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for refutation, for correction, and for training in righteousness, so that one who belongs to God may be competent, equipped for every good work. – 2 Timonty 3:16-17

After The Reception And Beyond

The wedding bells ring, you walk down the aisle together after the ceremony is over, you eat cake (in some instances smash it in each other’s faces), you sip champagne and dance the night away then escape into a temporary fantasy world where it’s only you and your spouse on some romantic get-a-way. When you come back home, life happens and it comes at you at the speed of light. Life has a way of chipping away at our marriages: jobs and job related travel, in-laws, church activities, kids (and the many responsibilities that come with them), conflict and misunderstandings. It’s all inevitable, but you don’t have to let it take away from your marriage.

Physical intimacy between husband and wife is so very important. And God intended it to be that way. Sex has become such a dirty and taboo word that we have forgotten that God wants us to have sex and LOTS of it! We can clearly read God’s intent for sex echoed in Proverbs 5:18-19 “And have the joy of the wife of your youth, your lovely hind, your graceful doe. Her love will invigorate you always, through her love you will flourish continually.” and in Song of Songs 7:7 “How beautiful you are, how pleasing, my love, my delight!” (As a side note, I encourage you to read the Book of Songs in the Old Testament. Such a beautiful love story, and at some parts you can’t help but blush!). While sex is the ultimate expression of love in a marriage, it’s not the only way. If you have a family, you know how tiring family life can be. The day comes to a close and all you want to do is lay your head down (preferably on the cold side of the pillow…Or maybe that is just me), and drift off to sleep (after you run through tomorrow’s to-do list…That is definitely me and practically every woman walking the face of the earth). As I’ve said in previous posts, I don’t have it all figured out, but I would like to share what has worked for us.

Anthony and I stay pretty busy between his job and my job as CEO of Chez Brown (that’s fancy talk for stay-at-home mom). Our boys are active with school and sports. Our daughter is almost 2 (enough said). We could very easily put physical intimacy on the shelf because we’re completely worn out by day’s end, but we make time for it (I won’t dare divulge the details), and our alone time is absolutely wonderful, but I’m happy to say that over the years we have found other ways to love one another that don’t revolve around sex and it seems to help us stay perpetually in “the honeymoon stage” of our relationship.

I saw an eCard on facebook in circulation that said something to the effect of “nothing is sexier than a man in an apron doing the dishes”. There is definitely some truth to that! Anthony has chosen the dishes and helping out with the laundry as his chores around the house. He also helps out a great deal with the kids in the evenings. Even though he works mostly from home, he has a stressful job with lots of responsibilities, and the fact that he will willingly forego putting his feet up and letting me carry all of the load speaks volumes of his love for me and our children. It’s amazing how simply helping your spouse around the house can make them feel loved. There are times where the kids are preoccupied and I can break away and help out with his chores. It gives us just another opportunity to talk and keep the camaraderie between us strong and healthy.

Speaking of talking, another way we’ve discovered to keep the honeymoon alive is by reminiscing on “our story”. We’ve spent countless hours reliving the moments that caused us to fall in love in the first place. I attribute a lot of our happiness to these heartfelt discussions. When you are remembering together on a regular basis the reasons why you fell in love in the first place, you’ll find it easier to get beyond the difficulties that you may face in your marriage. It’s easy to forget where your story all started once life is firing on all cylinders, but the more you recount the precious moments, the harder it will be to forget them.

Most importantly, praying with your spouse will connect you in a special way that nothing else will. I have to admit that we don’t do this nearly enough (Let’s work on this, darling). I’m great about praying and reading scripture alone, but sadly, I don’t do these things nearly enough with Anthony. There’s this higher level of intimacy that is reached when we pray together and commune with God. It stirs something deep inside and our souls seem to dance with one another. That’s the only way I can possibly explain it. It’s some of the most beautiful moments we’ve shared together.

Someone once told me that every time you are physically intimate with your spouse, you are renewing your wedding vows. It’s always been such a lovely thought, and I hold onto it tightly. Anthony once said, “One day we aren’t going to be what the world considers beautiful, but you’re always going to be my beautiful bride.” It was a reminder that we are going to get older and time will take it’s toll on us. There may very well come a day when we will no longer be able to express our love physically, and then what? I think it plays in our favor to have discovered other meaningful ways to express our love for one another that also help to maintain and even grow our friendship. We’ll have had lots of practice by the time we are older so if sex is no longer part of the equation, I firmly believe we can continue to have a happy and thriving marriage. It wasn’t part of our official wedding vows, but we have promised to love one another into Heaven. What a gift! All I can do is pray that we are on the right track and that God is pleased with what we have done with the gift of love that He so kindly bestowed upon us. My hope is that not only our marriage, but all marriages can be reflections of God’s endless pursuit of our hearts.